The ranch gets raunchy for a Bar Mitzvah.
Few things provide a better excuse to binge three nights in a row than Halloween. From a Wolfgang Gartner-sponsored fratstar costume contest to a literal shitshow on the way to The Barn, here’s this week’s spooky batch of party reports, after the jump.
Thursday night: Bar Mitzvah Party Halloween Hoedown
Heavily pregamed ghouls and goblins load buses for a night at The Barn. As the wheels start turning, the puke starts spewing out the windows. A bag of Franzia is passed from seat to seat. Seasoned Barn veterans look forward to arriving at The Barn, eager to watch the inexperienced masses rush to the nearby forest in a drunken panic to relieve their bladders. However, one girl on the bus isn’t quite able to make it all the way through the trip and gives up halfway. Unfortunately for all parties involved, she didn’t just have to “go number one.” A husky and ominous-yet-familiar odor permeates through the air. Awkward silences all around. Once inside the Barn, cacti, sand, fish tanks, and a wagon set the scene for a Halloween on the ranch themed Bar Mitzvah party. The projector screen plays videos of the “Electric Slide” and Gretchen Wilson’s “Redneck Woman.” What better song to suck face to than the “Cha Cha Slide”? Wishful drunkards stare at the cage suspended in midair. Alas, it is time to leave, but not without a quick break-in attempt at the stables.
Thursday Night: Empty Deuce
Did we miss the memo that students no longer go to the Deuce? Or maybe students are actually studying for midterms? Regardless, we’re greeted by an awkwardly small crowd of no more than 10 undergrads when we arrive at our favorite Thursday night dive bar at 12:45 a.m. Luckily, more students show up by quarter past one. Speaking of missed memos, our favorite tacky frat shows up in full force, clad in plaid shirts. Cute. And in what we can only describe as brotherly bonding, the tacky frat boys proceed to sing an 80s anthem for Le Mark II’s karaoke night. God, these guys just love the 80s.
Friday night: I’m in Madison bitch
Many NU students choose to step outside of the Evanston bubble for something more exciting than Keystone chugging at an on-campus frat party. Students anticipate sweaty masses and the craziness that is the mecca of college partying at Wisconsin-Madison during Halloweekend. After a packed Megabus ride, students arrive at the famed party school, where State Street is already bustling with last-minute costume buyers. Pregaming starts noticeably early (5 p.m.), when most NU students would still be either in class or making flaschards for Orgo midterms on Monday. In a Mexican restaurant, a strawberry margarita pitcher is followed by one-after-one shots in an upscale on-campus dorm. By 11 p.m., a slew of costumed, hazy students head to a venue to see Wolfgang Gartner. We’ve never seen so many frat boys dressed as inanimate objects including at least a dozen dressed up as vending machines. The night is topped off with a turkey sub at Jimmy Johns, at 4 a.m. mind you. Take note Evanston.
Friday night: Well that sucked.
After paying $4 to get into a certain publication’s fundraiser, partygoers are greeted by overcrowded hallways and plenty of Medilldos. Most don’t seem happy that the jungle juice supply has been depleted and the shots cost even more money, but fear not, plenty of beer is still available. Shortly after coming in, the crowd of people gets too close for comfort, and the situation is only made worse by the continuous horde of freshmen streaming into the apartment, which is taken as a cue to leave without even grabbing a drink first. At least we were supporting journalism?
Saturday night: Off-campus Ridge apartment
Per usual, the party is infested with dozens of variations on slutty cat costumes, but there are some creative homemade ones — like Team Rocket from Pokémon — to break the monotony. The bathroom is quickly deemed “out of service” and the free (yes, FREE) jungle juice, whiskey, rum, vodka, and mixers disappear. But at this point, everyone is happily buzzed or too drunk to care and going fetal in a corner. The sketchy basement with the naked plumbing doubles as a crowded dance floor that’s lit by some jank Christmas lights. One drunk student, clad in a diaper, manages some acrobatic tricks on the pipes before being ushered away by more sober friends. On an unrelated note, the ceiling starts leaking in the kitchen upstairs.
Saturday night: Exhibitionists night out
An on-campus frat plays Who’s Who as brothers dress up as each other, proving there is no frat uniform at this school. The party remains packed until 6 in the morning. More importantly, in the spirit of Halloweekend mischief, random freshmen are caught procreating in the frat’s grimy kitchen. Really? In THAT kitchen? ‘Getting dirty’ was taken to a whole new level.
