Vodka and Capri Sun, an award-winning combination.
Photo: Andy Garden
Ah, new beginnings. The hustle of students down Sheridan Road, the opening notes of a professor’s first lecture, the renewed life in University Library. And Party Report. That’s right bitches, we’re back and more ready than ever to wander campus and round up the best of the week’s soirées. And by soirées we mean hot, crowded Evanston basements where the sweet smell of Natty Light permeates, freshmen do their first keg stands, and couples hook up in shadowy, but still not discreet corners. Or pregames in dorms. Or dancing on the pole at the Keg. Whatever. You throw the party, we’ll write about it. Deal? Find out what you missed during Wildcat Welcome nights, after the jump.
Monday night: Off-campus frat party
Gaffield Place inhabitants kick off Welcome Week with a short supply of ski shots and jungle juice. In the basement, freshmen suffocate as sweat drips from the walls. Meanwhile, the upstairs is rushed only to find the frat boy on beer duty too inebriated to tap the keg. Once sobriety is no longer an option, the house’s infamous stairwell claims its first victim…. a freshman. “Get used to it! Those steps are always that steep!” Perhaps a maxi skirt isn’t the best choice of frat wear. Eventually cops arrive. Frantic freshmen run home while everyone else gallivants to TKOE.
Monday night: The Keg
On the heels of move-in day, the Keg is noticeably empty, with most freshmen still blissfully unaware of the top 10 college bar in America at their fingertips. The hardy, dedicated group of Keg-goers, which included a few 21-plus seniors who decided to choose the Keg over Nevin’s (nostaglia, we get it), grinded the night away to a TSwift-heavy mix. Don’t get us wrong. We love her faux country (she’s from Pennsylvania after all) hits, but come on, we expect a little Brit Brit or Katy Perry peppered in there somewhere.
Monday night: Off-campus frat party
Two steps beyond the L tracks, eager party-goers find a typical Welcome Week bash—hot, sweaty and full of freshmen. The police showed up multiple times, but the party raged on, with some people even trying (unsuccessfully) to convince the bartender to let them take silent group shots while the cops were outside. Two freshmen couples started the year off right by making out on a couch, only stopping when another bold attendee, egged on by others cheering, starts shaking his ass in their faces. Seems like those freshmen had a good move-in day!
Tuesday night: House party
A small apartment overflows with freshman boys, some of which are still wearing their lanyards. Loud house music leads everyone up to the third floor only to find that there are two girls at the party. The overload of sweaty male bodies adds to the humidity in the apartment, melting all of the shortly stocked bar’s ice. As if the incessant questioning about passing back fakes and jumping the fence at the Keg wasn’t bad enough, it is noted that two math TAs live directly beneath this mess of a shindig. Not sure how long it will be until they get evicted.
Wednesday night: Fratties flirting with freshies on Garnett
What we presumed was a party turned out to be a (practically) all-male gathering of our favorite midget-wrestling-promoting frat stars, and some kids that really want to be them. We’ll admit we joined in on the fun and got rushed a tiny bit, but only cause we want to find that sense of belonging you only get in brotherhood. That got old fast. And after one drunken brother yelled, “The cops are outside!” we retreated to the basement where we discovered (more!) Busch in a very serial-killer-this-is-where-I-hide-my-bodies type room. And to the freshman that felt the need to chug the handle of Heritage: Kudos.
Friday night: Off-campus frat party
Despite its ‘rager’ status, there are people sleeping in their rooms at the party. The booze is far from abundant, but the same can’t be said about the amount of people who are shwasted. Rock the Beach is not preoccupying the freshmen as expected, so the mix of characters is pretty eclectic.
Last night: Frat party
Strewn solo cups lead the way past three frat stars on the porch and up the stairs to the party. The drinking phase of the night is dwindling and it is time to figure out how to get to the Keg. With unbearable temperatures in the house, people opt to stick their heads in the freezer. Sloppiness ensues as one short girl, stuck between two guys having a conversation, gets a drink casually spilled into her newly straightened hair. Impromptu beer shower? Yes please.
Last night: The Keg
From the mass of undergrads crowding outside the doors, it appeared like the Keg was the hottest underage ticket in town. Kinda like Pottermore, but without all the ridiculously complex clues. The key to get into the Keg last night was brute force. Those lucky enough to make it in enjoyed a sweaty mass of coeds combined with an overdone fog machine. Can we just talk about how unnecessary a fog machine is in an establishment that packs people in like sardines? The sheer amount of bodies will create enough steam. The overpacked Keg functioned like the fantastic sociological experiment we’ve always known it to be. Impatient girls peed in the boys’ bathroom and left screaming, “Oh my god, I just peed in a urinal…at the Keg.” Cute. Then, there were the sloppy dance floor hook ups and the raids on the popcorn machine when the lines at the bar got too long to bear. Ah, TKOE you never let us down.
Haha….We just peed in urinals at a frat party too…and then some dude hit us with the link to a website for girls who learn peeing standing up! http://www.stand2pee.com/