Photo: via deadfix.com
The latest Britney Spears single, “Criminal,” is a bit like that drink the sloppy fratstar bartender gave you at that one party: at first you don’t like it. It’s this weird concoction you’re not used to. But as you drink more and more, you start to warm up to it until, hey, it’s not so bad anymore! In fact, you like it.
It’s slower than anything she’s released on radio in years, but it’s not exactly a ballad – more so midtempo. The flutes give it a Renaissance-y vibe, transporting you back to a time when horses were called steeds and women wore petticoats, and it’s less Euro-dance than anything we’ve heard on radio since 2008. All very good things.
Britney sings of being in love with a man who’s just no good. I say sing because you can actually hear some un-robotic vocals from her – impressive coming from Auto-tune’s poster child. And the lyrics are pure literature: “And I hear people talk/Try to make remarks, keep us apart/But I don’t even hear/I don’t care.” Clearly, Britney has come up with a second meaning of “hear” and we’re all just too dumb to know what it is.
The video is a 5-minute mini-movie in which Britney, looking better than she has in years, gives us her best Meryl Streep: running to the bathroom to wipe off a single tear, feigning some confused emotion as she’s hauled out of a party by an abusive boyfriend and recovering from confusion to kick said boyfriend in the balls. A true Thespian.
And then there’s the sex scenes costarring her real-life boyfriend. Simulating sex with someone you actually have sex with must be a lot of work.
In short, the video is a porno with fierce arm dancing and expert lip-syncing.
Amazing.
woah Stephen, I can’t tell if this is praise or shade tbh
this is wonderful
This article is extremely entertaining, well-written, and informative. Bravo!