Dear Northwestern Public Relations,
We know you’ve been busy conducting damage control for the seemingly constant, but hardly positive coverage this esteemed university received in the past year. So, we get it, like any good missionary, you’re eager to get out there and spread the good will of the university. You want to show these kids—and their parents—why they should attend (and more importantly pay) the university. And let’s face it, there’s a lot to tout: the stellar academics, the unbeatable location, the Big Ten sports teams. So you can imagine our dismay when we came across your two new TV spots whilst casually flipping through the Big Ten Network—yes, we don’t really understand why a league needs its own network, but we’ll save that for another rant.
So, in your effort to sell yourselves, what did you prioritize? The oh-so titillating idea that we’re all Wildcats inside. Because obviously, we all chose to come to Northwestern because we have a fluffy feline mascot. Who even bothers to read U.S. News and World Report these days? Not these cool kids.
And then there’s the all-too literal (and sometimes cringeworthy) interpretation. Yes, we’re looking at you Prof. Meade and Prof. Hasty who don a plush tail and cat ears, respectively, in one of the TV spots. C’mon guys, we get that everyone wants 15 seconds of fame, but you’re accomplished academics. There’s never a need to wear plush appendages, no matter how much purple pride you have.
We yearn for the simpler days of yesteryear, when NU TV spots showed off our faux diversity and the fact that our quarterbacks can quote Shakespeare. Swoon. Oh, but who are we kidding, Northwestern applications will most certainly rise again next year because let’s face it, who actually watches the Big Ten Network? Ah, how nice it would be to have a job where you can throw around ideas that rival “Snakes on a Plane” for their complexity and not have to worry about job security.
Sincerely,
NU Intel
Thanks Joezilla for pointing out our grammatical blunder.
AN OPEN LETTER TO NU INTEL.
To Whom It May Concern:
I am a graduate of Northwestern’s Class of 2011. This letter was my first exposure to NU Intel. Regardless of one’s opinions on NU’s new commercials, I believe that any objective observer would agree that your letter, in light of its horrid grammar and juvenile tone, is a far greater blight on the university than a commercial could ever prove to be.
Statistics abound these days about Northwestern’s ever-increasing selectivity. Each year, we hear that the average SAT score of Northwestern’s freshman class has jumped up a few points. I therefore find it mystifying that students at one of the most prestigious and selective schools in the world could publicly broadcast such grievous crimes against the English language as those printed above.
I write this not to make you angry (it appears that the commercials, for some reason, have already accomplished that) or to insult you. That’s not my game. But I do desperately wish to convey two messages here:
1. Writing well may be the single most important career skill a person can have. Make it a priority. Proofread your writing. Practice proper comma use. Learn the difference between “dawn” and “don.” You are privileged with an education that few in the history of the world, much less in the present human population, could ever dream of enjoying. So let your time here be an opportunity to sharpen your skills and live up to the greatness recognized by those who admitted you.
2. More practically speaking, don’t let this kind of stuff get you down. Life is too short, and rife with far too many actual problems, to be this peeved by a couple of TV spots. Sure, they don’t exactly encapsulate Northwestern’s vast and venerable academic tradition. But then again, neither does your letter.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Wildcat