This week’s person you ought to know—a sophomore who dreamed of becoming Candylands’s Queen Frostine and thinks the world is better off without sporks.
Sophomore | Biochemistry | Willard
How do you kick a hangover?
My roommate and I whip our hair back and forth to see how hungover we are. If we’re going to live, we go to brunch at “hot mess Plex.” If not, we go back to bed and pretend the morning never happened.
What tops your hookup playlist?
The bands Pretty Lights or Explosions in the Sky. Also, Sims theme music. Hey, it worked for the Sims.
When you were 5, what did you want to be when you were 20?
A professional tree climber or Queen Frostine from Candyland. I took that game fucking seriously.
What’s a deal breaker?
Being under six feet tall. I want my men to hit their heads on door frames when they walk into a room.
What is the worst thing that could happen on a date?
Coming face-to-face with Chris Hansen. No question.
Which teen idol are you smitten with?
Lil’ Romeo. He’s not Lil’ anymore, but he has a song called “My Baby” that is in my Top 25.
What are your plans for December 21, 2012?
Hopefully Jack Donaghy, of 30 Rock, will be reading me “Goodnight Moon” in a mahogany rocking chair. The world will not be allowed to end until that happens.
Describe your hidden talent?
I can recite pi to 150 digits.
What invention would the world be better off without and why?
Sporks. It’s a really shitty spoon mixed with a really shitty fork so you can’t stab anything! Have you ever tried picking up a piece of meat with a spork?
You switch places with Morty for a day. What’s at the top of your to-do list?
Just to mess with him, I’d burn all of his purple clothing and buy him rainbow clothing.
Make a bold prediction.
Roll-on body glitter will make a comeback.
What does your drink of choice say about your personality?
My drink of choice is 2% chocolate milk. It says that I have inconceivable amounts of swag.
The professor likes this girl. Rumor has it she can throw a wild Thanksgiving party. How Heinous!
this girl is actually awesome
I heard her hair is insured for $10,000.