With so many social events during welcome week, how do you choose which to attend? Use some choice metaphors to get a true flavor for activities, of course. Some events scream Busch Light, while others show subtle undertones of Skol. Our completely unscientific connections between collegiate beverages and this week’s social events after the jump.
Busch Light
Football Watch Party: Watching Northwestern take on Army on television seems like a bit of a watered down experience to us. You’ll miss the claw, the dangling of keys, the alma mater, which is why people go to games in the first place, right? [Sat. 2 p.m.]
Rock the Beach Well, you can’t deny that both the beverage and the event are water heavy. Okay, so to be fair, Rock the Beach happens near the water, so our light beer joke doesn’t totally work. But at least we didn’t compare Rock the Beach to Keystone and try to throw in some geological humor. [Fri. 7 p.m.]
Six Flags Great America We get you want to go to Six Flags. Free range of an amusement park that is closed off to the entire world except, of course, your 2,000 closest friends jazzes us as well. But amusement parks remind us of summers in high school stuck in suburban hell. And guess what? Busch Light brings the same memories flooding back, too. [Sat. 8 p.m.]
Andre
Sit and Spin Productions Present: Pippin The only thing that could ever match the bubbly nature of our favorite alcoholic beverage is Pippin. As a character, he’s a true flowerchild—well, if flowerchildren existed in the Middle Ages. Regardless, his whole peace-loving, war-hating mantra makes us feeling warm inside. [Thurs., Fri. 10:30 p.m.]
Lovers and Madmen: The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) Shakespeare might just be the founding father of the oh-so highbrow. We can just imagine watching theatre goers in the 16th century shriek “Indubitably” when hearing “To be, or not to be, that is the question.” This is pinkie-in-the-air kind of high class. So naturally we’d gravitate to comparing this with champagne. But this is college after all, so we’ll have to settle with Andre. [Fri., Sun. 11 p.m.]
Blue Moon
Rhthym Nation: Featuring Boomshaka with NPHC and NUMB Drumline We have visions of Boomshaka, Northwestern’s Stomp-like percussion group, utilizing bottles of Blue Moon for an unusual accompaniment. But at a more basic level, percussionists always seem to exude an unwavering sense of cool, kind of like a frat bro who whips out a bottle of Blue Moon in a sea of Keystone. [Thurs. 10:30 p.m.]
The Second City A raunchy 18-plus comedy show is, well, adult. Kind of like the first time you drink beer in a bottle. [Fri. 11 p.m.]
Skinny Girl
Kaleidoscope Dance: We didn’t just pair this showcase of Northwestern’s major dance companies with Skinny Girl because, well, dancers are notoriously slender. But, we’re not going to act like Natalie Portman didn’t drop 20 pounds to star in Black Swan. The two really go hand in hand, however, because Bethenny, our favorite skinny bitch girl, manages to command attention much in the same way a prima ballerina does. [Thurs. 10 p.m.]
Skol
Arts Alliance Presents: Showdown: The Northwestern Epic Stunt Spectacular We’ll be the first to say we can’t stand the overuse of the word epic. But it somehow seems fitting here because stunts are just so hardcore and dangerous. And when we think of hardcore vodka, we can only pick the one that gives gasoline a run for its money in terms of taste: Skol.[Fri., Sat., Mon. 3 p.m.]
Tom DeLuca Hypnotism equally fascinates and disturbs us. Can someone (or something) really have control over your body? But then we remember what happens when you take shots of Skol, and we can answer the question by ourselves. Yes. [Sun. 8 p.m., 11 p.m.]
